The state of my mind is that i have teached my brain into thinking in ways that are very irrational having social anxiety has rule half my life even though I just began some sort of treatment I still have a long way to go.
The thing about social anxiety is that it gets triggered in the most normal places and aspects of everyday life that’s why most of us that suffer from it basically decide to stay home where we’ve grown use to being alone at least in my mind is where I feel more safe where I know that the outside world won’t come and get me.
But I’m wise enough to know life doesn’t work that way I’m taking the baby steps to try and change it but with the experiences I’ve had it makes it hard specially when all you want is to be is independent and find a decent job.
Brief explanation walking around areas with a help wanted sign hanged up I know I need a job I could just go in there and ask for an application but the over thinking triggers I’m so close I can walk right in the lady at the front counter seems nice enough but then I look at the customers she is helping along with a second employee they smile and reply to each question and keep calm and friendly there’s more people behind that customer and more keep coming in
By now I’m just observing the thought of me going in there vanishing I’m imagining every little scenario in my head like myself behind the counter becoming too nervous and messing up an order or two, being so scared and nervous to talk to a customer and getting their order wrong, how about when the atmosphere feels too suffocating and I will not be able to just step out or leave when I want
THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY
at the end I just walk away not even bothering to go inside which brings me to the tittle of my post
nothing is worst for a person like me than when a friend or family member calls you up saying “hey I got you a job interview at my job I’m sure you’ll get hired” being grateful is what I should feel but I’m dreading it even before I hang up the phone everyone is happy saying its such a good opportunity I use to smile and pretend I was ecstatic and grateful
Then comes the job interview where I’m a ball of nerves my stomach is in unbearable knots I feel like he can see every inch of my self-consciousness and discomfort I answer his questions with a firm voice but I find it hard to breath or make eye contact because I’m so uncomfortable finally its over or so I thought because I actually get a call with an offer to start next week
I’m back to square one you see not wanting to experience rejection is one of my trigger points in my anxiety that’s why I avoid things but when I’m actually accepted is the tricky part because now I’m expected to go into an environment that I don’t know with people I don’t know, where I will have no control when I feel I’m getting overwhelmed or panicked
Social Anxiety doesn’t mean that I’m lazy or that I just don’t want to do anything or work it just takes a whole lot of emotionally/mentally effort something I wish people in my life would understand.
Of course we all want to feel our best and that we are reaching our potential but don’t push it when you know a person is going through something they can’t control but are trying
sometimes we want to get rejected in areas where we know we aren’t ready to be accepted!