anxiety · mental health · mental illness · social anxiety

Social Anxiety Disorder: SAD, What I wish you knew without me having to explain (to my Parents)

When I opened up about my mental health issues with social anxiety was the day that I felt more expose than ever before think about being naked with a spotlight on you in the middle of a sold out Madison Square Garden show in NY it was hard and there was tears (lots of tears!) and I’m definitely not a crier at least not in front of others and I was only talking to my family as I was falling apart in a strange way I also felt like I was putting myself together 

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I still haven’t gotten the courage to open up about my anxiety with other people besides my family because I really don’t know how to explain it sometimes I don’t even get it myself and right now the most difficult are my parents who are trying to be the most understanding but still fail at times but there are things I wish they would just get and maybe try a bit okay maybe not “maybe” but actually try!

This is my list

  1. This isn’t something that is going to get “cured” with a couple of doctors visits I want to say “mom, dad I’ve dealt with this half my life please be realistic and know I’m trying please stop asking if its all better now?”
  2. Its not a choice you have no idea how bad I wish I could be like everyone else enjoying their youth without feeling they’re going to pass out from a simple social interaction they weren’t prepared for “I look at my sister and  I wish I could be like her but I’m sorry I’m not” never do comparisons
  3. I know its hard to understand even I know its irrational and silly at times but its real and I can’t control it “I just couldn’t make your appointment mom sorry”
  4. I just can’t stop it trust me if I could I would so don’t tell me you’ll get over it I would never tell you “dad its just diabetes get over it!”
  5. Compassion I know you’re trying your best but I wish you will hear me out more “did you see that your cousin got a new job” little comments like that are more damaging than you think
  6. Unpredictable “but you were having such a good time yesterday at the bbq making people laugh” it comes and goes but when its around family its more tamed and I feel like myself for a second “its all about the social setting and environment mom
  7. its all in your head just relax I know it sounds as simple as that but its not and I can’t relax because my mind won’t let me “just take a deep breath and you’ll be fine” my brain doesn’t work like that
  8. Its hard to be social in person and via phone you can’t just sprung a conversation with somebody my way or pass me the telephone so I can talk to a distant relative I need preparation that’s how my mind works don’t take it personally
  9. Though I want you to understand its okay if you don’t all I want is your genuine support and love a grown women still needs her parents there when she calls them!
  10. I’m coping so don’t judge I have my ways and ya’ll have yours and because I know you’re worried yes it can be managed just give me time to get there”
  11. Reassure me I know I say I feel better alone but just once in a while tell me “you’re doing great!”

            I don’t care if I’m an adult in her 20’s I need this right now! 

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