anxiety · mental health · mental illness · social anxiety

When taking medication causes you anxiety

Am I the only one?

I’m new to the game (should I even call it that?) of treatment with a psychiatrist and a psychologist three weeks to be exact.

I was so anxious to actually go and talk to my doctor in the beginning when I actually took the steps in confronting my issues that it actually took me two months till I did going to my primary care physician first I was lucky I didn’t feel too uncomfortable talking to her I guess the two weeks of me practicing and going over exactly what I was going to say helped I was new to it all to realize I was reaching for help in the wrong professional I should’ve gone to see a psychiatrists from the getgo I didn’t need her referral

Where I’m getting with this is that she prescribe me medication with a low dosage I was quick to tell her I don’t want anything addictive one of my worst fears she assured me they weren’t and to try them out for a month then see how I’m doing I didn’t questioned her and she didn’t advice me to go see and therapist

Taking the first pill I was a ball of nerves my mind was racing I read every side affect that could affect me to the point where I had to shut my laptop off and take a deep breath and tell myself it’s all for the better with anxiety at bay I swallowed the pill and waited for a catastrophe luckily nothing happened my fears got the best of me but then I was over thinking again because after a month I felt no difference my social anxiety was still at the same rate

Second visit I told her I felt like it wasn’t helping she went on to tell me that I shouldn’t expect…basically a miracle over night….I didn’t take it personal because I know that is true so anyway she gave me a higher dosage and all I could picture is me  walking around like a zombie but since it was the same medication I wasn’t as anxious about it bigger pill but still I felt no change and another month went by at this point I’m feeling frustrated and a bit depress

Third visit I vent to her that I probably need a new medication she prescribes me a new one and finally after three and half months tells me to go see a psychiatrists that their more fit in treating my situation with medication I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t pissed because I was she should’ve told me this since the first visit!

Now I had to deal with a new medication while trying to find a good psychiatrist around my area.

The new meds were higher in dosage but I was calm because once again she assure me they weren’t addictive.

I took them for three weeks that’s how long I had to wait for my psychiatrist appointment in those three weeks I took the medication I was fine till I broke out in a rash on my arms and legs but my social anxiety was still pretty much at the same level I literally felt defeated and the fear of the little pills was winning

My anxiety to meet with my psychiatrist was high it just was and I had stopped taking any medication two days prior due to the rash to the calm of my nerves he was friendly from the start and made me feel comfortable

He then began to tell me that the first medication they gave me was solely to treat depression it’s a wonder why I didn’t feel no affect then I told him about how the second med had recently caused me to break out in a rash advising me just stop.

Going over my situation I could tell the different in his understanding and I wish I’d come to him sooner the topic of new medication coming up again this time I knew I would be getting something stronger

I’m not sure why I didn’t tell him that, that causes me anxiety maybe next time.

I knew it was serious when I had to show my ID at the pharmacy in order to pick it up the whole ride home I’m silent just over thinking how are those little pills are going to change me

I get home I can’t help but read through the whole medication information I’m getting anxious then the reviews online of people saying they’ve gotten addicted or coming off them is even worst I’m ready to throw in the towel!

With the little yellow pill in the center of my palm I stare at it shutting every negative thoughts in my head as best as I can and brave it because I have to try breath in breath out and then it’s gone swallowed into my work in progress soul I couldn’t not try I’ve done that all my life and I know it was just my anxiety trying to take over

Three weeks in the only side effect I have is that it does get me a bit drowsy  but I find that it is helping me even at its lowest dosage and thanks to my psychiatrist I also have my psychologist, the two things I needed!

Knowing I’m taking medication still scares me but I’m dealing I guess the anxiety I’m hiding behind that is that yes I suffer from a mental illness but I don’t want a medication to completely change the person I am only the parts that need help! 

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