Its becoming so hard to explain how hard it is for me to do a lot of things before I would get away with it because I’ve mastered the skill of being okay I still know it by heart but since I’ve let people in on my social anxiety secret I’m expose well only to my close family and I’m just wondering if its hard for me to explain to them how I feel in certain situations how the hell am I going to be able to explain to others? Its a constant thought I have in my mind because when I try to they end up switching it to the way they perceive it and it drives me crazy causing me more stress, its like
why can’t you just understand?!
Sometimes I feel like its my fault for not talking about how I was feeling long ago but at the time I just thought I was a really shy person growing up and then it did ease up for awhile I had no idea what the heck social anxiety was I was even oblivious that any type of anxiety disorders existed not knowing that I was living with one! but when it came back it came back with a full force! but it was my secret like many others I put up a wall where I pretended everything was fine because it had to be fine having social anxiety at least in my case with my family they wouldn’t understand because the triggers are unreasonable to the average person now that they know I’m happy they are supportive but they still have a hard time trying to understand and when they tell me “just relax” it gets me so agitated!
I guess you could say I didn’t really get them but now I do and I credit that because I’m in my 20’s late 20’s to be exact and having to deal with SAD it frustrates me so damn much and makes me feel hopeless I’m a pro at masking my feelings when I’m sad, when I’m lonely or when I cry. . .I’ve had my shed of tears with my attacks but I’ve done it in private and only got comfort after but when I do get anxiety attacks most people won’t even notice I am if I could explain my social anxiety attacks it would be like this,
I completely shut down I can feel my heart racing and my thoughts are spinning inside my mind they’re actually going out of control I feel like I’m suffocating so I immediately want to feel some fresh air or drink water but I want to do it alone tears might wound up in my eyes but I keep them at bay (they’ll come later) and my mood shifts I become quiet and disconnected it can last for an hour or for hours but you will look at me and think I’m perfectly fine just in a mood swing without realizing that I’m actually mentally breaking down inside
but then I still wonder will they get it now?
what you say, what they hear
I actually saw this posted on tumblr and it couldn’t be anymore accurate!
What I mean when I say “I can’t do that”- Anxiety Version:
- I am unable to do that
- I am too stressed out to do that
- I cannot face the humiliation of attempting to do that
- My body will physically not allow me to do that
- I am on the verge of a panic attack
- I cannot do that
What people hear:
- I am unwilling to do that
- I am just shy
- I am overreacting
- I am lazy
- I need to get more experience in social situation to help my anxiety
- I need a push
- I don’t want to do that
having to explain I find it so hard that sometimes I rather just not explain and let them think what they want even if that makes me feel frustrated and even a bit mad but I rather just be silent and let them come to their own conclusions even if its wrong because I’m getting nowhere
ITS SO DAMN HARD TO EXPLAIN!