anxiety · depression · Life Topics · mental health · mental illness · social anxiety · The Blogger · The Journey

Normal.

Isn’t it so frustrating when you are in a determine mind set where you are thinking positive and you feel like I’m ready to go out there and face the world then suddenly come crashing down because your uninvited guest decides to make his presence known along with his partner in crime, of course they didn’t leave.

Lately, to me it feels like every time I try and make a little progress and I’m finally feeling a bit better something happens to make me walk ten times backwards, and I’m not here because I feel sorry for myself or the one thing that people always assume “you just want attention” its just that I’m in that moment where I wish I was normal…..I hate even saying it or thinking it but its where I’m at.

Everybody has anxiety everybody feels a bit depress at time for me is like a slap in the face when people tell me that because its really not the same not saying that it doesn’t matter but when you have actually been professionally diagnosed its a whole new ball game.

All these feelings you get all at once, all the irrational thinking that hits you all at once, feeling so damn tired that you wish you could just disappear into your bed and all the pressure of life actually feeling like you’re carrying it around your shoulders making your muscles ache and then seeing everyone else as a winner while you’re unwillingly watching from the sidelines feeling like such a failure when all you want is to also be there in the front lines.

Why do I have to deal with this at 26 years old?!

Normality is what I crave and wish I could have!

I know there is no such thing of being a normal human being everybody has shit to deal with but fuck don’t I wish I could at least just be basic…..I’d be content with that.

Feeling like a burden to the people around you is the worst feeling anybody could ever have its like walking on eggshells all the time even when they say you’re not. Feeling guilty because you feel that others are putting their life on hold for you its not pleasant, specially knowing you are capable of being an independent adult but these enemies that have taken home in your mind are always there to stop you!

Its like why can’t I just take control?! 

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2 thoughts on “Normal.

  1. Feeling like a burden and feeling guilty… yes, classic anxiety. It does make it harder to gain control. You might never feel ‘normal’, because you have gone through more…. you will be stronger than any normal person would.

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    1. Thank you for words they mean a lot, sometimes it just feels like too much even when you feel you’re trying your hardest. I think we all just want to feel okay and that’s just how I want to feel at least a little bit.

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