Anxiety/Social anxiety and depression are two mental health illnesses that seem to be best friends in the most unhealthy way and when you’re dealing with both its like you are being pull apart between the two. At least for me when it comes to getting stuff done half of me is telling me its not important just lay down and avoid the world you’re exhausted already take a nap and ignore everyone. (depression)
Then the other half is a worrying mess that is telling me and making me picture every worst case scenario that could go wrong if I don’t get stuff done but also at the same time stopping me from doing it. (anxiety)
are you confuse yet? lost? can’t understand? Yeah it’s messy but that’s my life.
Depression has been winning a lot lately though due to my anxiety I’m a person that likes control so I can know exactly what to expect. So I never like to be late or miss an appointment or anything like that so today when I got a call from my therapist telling me that I missed our appointment I was shocked at myself that I totally forgot about it! luckily she was nice enough to call and I had my session over the phone or else I would’ve beaten myself up for it till our next session.
That happening got me thinking about all the time depression or anxiety has taken from me or made me waste. It got me in an even more solemn mood because it just sucks so bad to think back at all the things I missed out on because of them both.
As a teenager I never went out and partied. When I turned 21 I didn’t go out to some club to celebrate big I made myself and everyone think and know that I would rather be at home. I also think my insecurities and social anxiety made it easy for me to think I was in love with someone that clearly didn’t treat me fairly. Then it also took away from me a person that till this day I still feel love for but my anxiety triggered so many obstacles in me that he got away and friendship is all we can have now.
Whenever I think about time I get sad, mad, frustrated and everything along those feelings because I know my anxiety and then depression made me waste so much of it because they stole it from me. Don’t get me wrong I’m so grateful that I finally spoke up about my mental health and that I’m getting help through medical treatment and therapy but its going to be a long journey. “Journey” just another word for time.
Time is everything.
Time can’t be bought every second counts, seconds turn to minutes then to hours, days, weeks and finally years and no matter what you do you can never get that time back once its gone its gone.
Overall though I have to keep positive because although I’m frustrated and it gets me angry having a negative mind won’t get me anywhere right?