It’s been a bit since I’ve actually had time to update more about me and my mental health.
I’ve been very preoccupied worrying and taking care of my dad who is still in the hospital recovering from his surgery and adapting to his new life as amputee.
I must say that at the beginning I carried a lot of guilt my thoughts were “maybe if I would’ve worked harder on myslef and didn’t have to struggle with anxiety and depression he wouldn’t be in this position or he didn’t have to work as hard”
I don’t think no kid no matter your age ever wants to see their parent struggle or in pain I’ve dealt with a whole lot of pain when my mom got breast cancer when I was 15 but I got through it and I think back then I still didn’t understand the severe cases of it all.
With my dad’s case I think it hit me more in the emotional side because now I do understand as an adult, a struggling adult that still depends hallways on my father and my mother and I just felt like I wasn’t good enough as a daughter basically not worthy enough.
It’s 2017 now and luckily my dad is still a young older man with a positive mindset and he is reaching goals faster than we thought, yes his life will forever be different but he is going to be okay in a sense it’s going to take time but he’ll be okay which calms me.
Though it calms me I still have my moments of despair where the anxiety thoughts take over and where it’s 4am and I’m wide awake already thinking about the day ahead in the hospital dealing and talking with doctors hoping we don’t get any bad news again when those thoughts creep into my mind the depression takes over and I just want to lay in bed and never wake up.
2017 is also back to being a journey for me I’m still on my medication and I’m going to see my therapist for the first time again this month since Nov. and I’m actually looking forward towards it.
At first I wasn’t sure I even wanted to continue my journey to overcoming my anxiety and depression but seeing my dad work so hard really inspires me!
He literally is my hero
I look at this photo although it brings tears to my eyes it’s what gets me going 😍
If he can beat the physical then I can beat the mentally!
I also started a GoFundMe page yesterday for my dad if you can check it out and read his story in my perspective I’ll be appreciative!