This week I had the most intense therapy session by far and I wasn’t even expecting it. I went in for my normal session this week feeling a what I thought was a little bit more at ease but then coming to the realization that I have a lot of hidden deep emotions inside me that I pretend aren’t there for the sake of not remembering bad memories from my childhood.
I realized that in order to change some of my coping mechanisms I need to face these hidden emotions head on or else they will always be there weighing on me like a bag of bricks.
For me a saying out loud that my parents, specially my father wasn’t or isn’t or just that he never learned how to comfort or show me any affection growing up out loud is a big no, no…I just feel like if I talk about it out loud I’m accusing him of being a bad person or parent which I don’t think that at all. (should I?)
Once I got talking about it I couldn’t stop and next thing I know there were tears rushing down my face because I know now why I kept my fears, insecurities and struggles to myself while growing up because I just didn’t think or more like I knew I just wouldn’t get that support I’d need because I never did.