For me when I think of loneliness I am met with a whole list of personal contradictions that automatically make me feel….sad….happy….worried….peaceful….scared.
Take this weekend for example I am a big football fan if you’re from the US you know Super Bowl Sunday is like an unofficial national holiday so I specially love this important Sunday in February.
Past years I’ve celebrated with family and friends and that year when the San Francisco 49ers made the super bowl we all went insane, such a good time!
Well this year, which I’m talking about yesterday I was alone. Friends had their plans, brother had his friends and my sisters their boyfriend and husband.
You might think I would rejoice in having the whole Sunday by myself given to points and facts I’ve shared about my social anxiety/anxiety but honestly I felt so lonely.
It opened a whole can of worms in my mind where I pictured myself in the future just like I was yesterday sitting on the sofa by myself surrounded by no one just like I want to be 90% of the time but still feeling so damn lonely.
How can a person explain that they feel more at ease being alone but feel so lonely at the same time? I mean I don’t even get it myself.
It honestly made the one Sunday I enjoy each year feel so depressing.