So I’m just going to get right to it forgive and forget a motto a lot of us teach ourselves in order not to get hurt, to not develop resentment or simply to just forget the actions that hurt us.
I’ve always been that type that forgives but I pretend to forget because heck no I don’t forget and then randomly whatever it was pops into my head and I go through this thoughts and scenario in my mind with things I wish I could’ve or would’ve said or done at that moment in time.
I just forgive too much and don’t forget enough.
Like today for example, if you follow my blog you’ve know from my recent post that I’ve been having a tough time lately having those “bad days” as we like to categorize them. So I simply haven’t been myself though I don’t remember when I’ve actually been myself at all haha(dry laugh). Anyway I just have been in a funk of depression and anxiety which logically makes me not want to be around a lot of people and I don’t want to go out and do much and my mood has been I’ll just say it shitty simple as that.
I still haven’t figured out the real me yet cause I’m still under all these layers I’ve built up over the years so of course I know this and like I said I know when I’m in a shitty mood I understand it comes with the territory with having depression and anxiety some days I’m just in a very dark place and as of late I’ve been in this dark place for weeks now and yet people still don’t understand me and they say the wrong thing.
Let me get back to my example: Today someone said to me “you’re always acting like a boring old bitter person”
hmmm….my response nothing. Staying quiet no use to try and defend myself but I guess the hurt was written all over my face that they quickly changed the topic and just like that it was all forgiven and for them forgotten.
People want me to change but at the same time they really don’t why do I say this? because the moment they said those mean words to me that they knew would hit me right in a certain weak point they also knew I wouldn’t say a word back because this is who I’ve always been the forgive and forget.
It’s a cruel world and those that hurt you the most are the ones that know you the most, moral of my post is I just want to shout,