anxiety · depression · mental illness · social anxiety · The Blogger · The Journey

Short Lived

Here I go another blog post where life was just teasing me with positive vibes it doesn’t let me catch a break. It was only a couple of days where I felt good seeing light instead of fog but today I went back.

Here I was applying for jobs I get a call back and my anxiety goes of the roof my heart pounding so fast and instantly getting those knots in my stomach where I couldn’t do it I couldn’t pick up. They at least left a voicemail this time but I can’t get myself to call back because my fingers are shaking.

Moments and situations like these is what makes me go back to depress mood because it just goes to show me that I need to do something different I maybe need more help than what I am already seeking.

I’m so content and anxiety free whenever I’m in the comfort of my home and around the people that already know me that I start to think I’m getting better but as soon as the unexpected hits I’m reminded of the battle I have to face and it just isn’t pleasant and it isn’t fun and I hate that I’m 27 years old and can’t get simple shit done.

I need that push and I want that push but why does it have to come with the urge of me needing to puke my guts out?

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2 thoughts on “Short Lived

  1. When I’m pushed to act under intense anxiety, it feels horrible but it feels like I need that push to make myself do it. I hate the feeling. I do the same with jobs… I apply and apply and get depressed when no one replies to me, but if I get asked to come in for an interview or I’m called but don’t pick up, I’m terrified and just want to drop into a hole and never come out. I acknowledge that life in general is about having to change and adapt no matter what, not just for jobs, but somehow I still struggle like crazy…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes and the feelings it gives makes it worst you and I are in the same boat that’s sinking as depressing as that sounds. It’s like what else is there to do? And I feel by me saying that people take it as “Have pity on me” I’m just tired of people thinking I’m lazy or that in I just don’t care to better myself and it’s like if they only knew, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

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