I’m back again with another post in the update of my happiness. Lately I’ve been a little sour when it comes to being positive and motivating myself to do a lot because I just don’t feel like I’m up for the challenge. If I do my anxiety keeps me on edge and my depression just tells me it isn’t worth it and just stay in my cocoon a.k.a my room and bed.
I’ve been so caught up in my routine of just saying no to a lot of things because I just see no point to it I feel like it has gotten a bit worst the last couple of months due to stressful situations that take a toll on my mindset. People have notice and of course I’ve notice as well but I just don’t care that’s the attitude I carry then I become mean or stand offish towards everyone and once I’m alone I start having anxiety thoughts that make me feel like a horrible person because there was no need for that.
Yesterday I woke feeling tired which is pretty much everyday I started drinking more water to see if it helps me with it and with the headaches I get because of the lack of sleep I’ve been having the new medication I got makes me feel drowsy even after waking up so that’s a bummer.
Anyway yesterday my aunt was getting married I knew about it weeks ago but wasn’t planning on attending she’s my dad’s cousin and I’m not really close to that side of his family I was just planning of having another Saturday at home and watch a movie or something I automatically said “No” when ask if I was going. After having breakfast I realize I just say no all the time even when I’m not feeling anxious or having a gray blurry day I’ve just gotten so use to it like I said.
I stop myself from a lot of things because I carry this attitude of feeling solemnly all the time and its better just to avoid it because what if?
I can’t be living life this way so I looked in my closet and saw my pretty blue big girl flats that I haven’t worn since I bought them and decided I was going to go and determine to not sabotage myself and have a fun time (I should add my parents were surprise but my mom I could tell it made her happy). So I got ready there was a moment when I was done with my make-up where my bed looked more appealing but I ignored the thoughts and feeling and quickly left my room before I changed my mind.
I had a decent time my best friend/cousin also was in attendance and another cousin of mine I laughed, I chatted and smile watching people dance all that while I was going to choose to stay home by myself and be lonely because is the only feeling I think its meant for me.
Yesterday was a baby step in the right direction where I’m going to try and say no less often and just push myself to say yes even if my comfort zone is being tested because I realize I’ve probably missed so many great times I could’ve had and those moments could’ve benefit my happiness.
Baby Steps Are Worth More Than One Huge Step You Weren’t Ready For, Remember That! – Wendy xoxo