anxiety · depression · Life Topics · mental health · social anxiety · The Blogger · The Journey

When You Grow Up?

I’m sure we all got asked this when we were little by our parents then our teachers and they sorta put this idea in our head on the choices we had example they would ask us then suggest doctor, lawyer, vet or teacher etc. If one would say I want to be a singer or a movie start or famous athlete they would nod but then say “that’s good but if you can’t be those things which of the others would you choose?”

You see even at a young age there is always opinions on what you should be trying to be and what others expect you to be the normal expectations.

I feel that way now still how you may ask? It’s no secret that I’m still trying to find myself and find a balance with myself and my issues(I hate to call them that but that’s what they are). When I was little I would go between wanting to be a teacher or a lawyer which is funny to me because imagine me being a layer I would probably cry everyday! haha

As I got older even with my social anxiety I did hope to get into a good college and my mindset was sticking to the teacher thing but even through that issue my mind changed yes I hoped to find a good job but going to a university seem too much I put it in the back burner and decided community college would be best or beauty school that time hasn’t come yet but it isn’t given up yet either.

I want to find a job that I’m happy with but I know first I need to be in a good place with my mental health where I won’t feel trapped or scared because I don’t want to let myself down like I have in the past it would just make my anxiety and depression worst!

Back to the title of this post if someone were to ask me now “what do you want to be when you grow up?” honestly I would say a mother and wife. I can’t say that out loud and I feel a bit ashamed even writing it on here why? you may ask. Well that isn’t common in this day and age wanting to be that always comes with opinions. Before they wouldn’t want the women to work but now if you don’t work but rather be a stay at home mom you are frowned upon and lazy. I hate that I feel bad about wanting that maybe is the anxiety in me that fears the judgment.

is it that bad? I don’t know you tell me. 

Of course I want to have a job but if the opportunity would come that I’m able to be what I want why shouldn’t I?

This is why I always say that my fear is ending up alone because for me having a family of my own is a dream and something I want dearly.

what do you want to be when you grow up?

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3 thoughts on “When You Grow Up?

  1. I too have social anxiety; I’ve had it since I was about nine. If you’d like to read my post explaining my situation and how I’ve handled it through college and my career as a pharmacist so far (I’m 31 now), here’s the link: https://ribbonrx.com/2016/08/16/im-not-shy/

    But now, due to medical illness, I can’t practice as a pharmacist any longer. And as I’ve adjusted to that over the past year, I’ve realized there’s nothing I want more than to be a wife (which I already am) and a mother (there’s the rub…we’ve been struggling with infertility for several years now.) But despite my education and my doctorate degree and all that hard work and 7 years in practice…I don’t want it anymore. I want to be a stay at home mom.

    I’m not sure how old you are, but don’t worry…you have someone else young on your side, too. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My childhood dream was to be a teacher, though that dream never became a life long pursuit and it fizzed out very quickly once I realized how much I hate doing presentations or even having people look at me in a crowded room. Yikes. So what do I want to be now, at 27? The answer is I still don’t know. I feel as if I’ve been stumbling through my whole in a daze not really being in the moment and having made really bad past choices in regards to school study choices that didn’t even remotely come from a place of passion or genuine interest in whatever job or degree I was working towards. Right now I guess I’m trying to branch out? I’m attempting to pursue hobbies through volunteer work and actually choose things that interest me rather than doing as I did in the past when I would just volunteering for the sake of filling up my spare time to stave off boredom but actually spend the whole time there hating being around people. It’s hard for me not to feel like a failure when I’m this old and still don’t know what the f*** I want to do with my life. It’s also difficult not to compare myself to my older sibling who appears to be adulting better than me with his full time job, constant stream of exotic vacations, an abundance of friends and social life, a significant other, and his own apartment.

    Like

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