Well hello there you, whoever you are that is reading this 🙂
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog post I’ve honestly have missed coming on and sharing my thoughts and feelings but every time I’ve come on to do that my mind goes blank and I’m just staring at my laptop screen or phone screen, its weird.
I guess the real issue is I’ve been lacking so much motivation in a lot of things and the thing with me is whenever I feel depression taking over I just let it do its thing an in a way get comfortable with ignoring all the things I want to do as long as I’m in the little grey bubble of comfort regardless of the fact that my anxiety is telling me I’m being such a lazy person and everyone is probably thinking the same thing.
Before I got sucked in into this little “funk” which is not even that we all know that it’s just my life I was actually persuaded by my sister to join an online “friendship/dating” site. Obviously even that sort of thing gives me a bit of anxiety because it’s like if I do start talking to to someone what on earth is that person going to find interesting in me the lack of motivation?
Anyhow I joined and let me tell you there was a reason I’ve always been skeptical about dating apps, some guys are just so rude, gross and just overall immature let’s just say I got some unwanted photos sent to me I was like O_O!
Not to say that there wasn’t some good guys on there that actually started a good conversation but then again they are fast in asking if “we could meet?” and that just made me uncomfortable.
I’m skeptical always have been and I think I will always be skeptical regarding a lot of things.
Then I actually started talking to someone that seemed nice and we shared a lot of things in common but once I mention I’m big on mental health awareness without mentioning anything about me, he retreated. Which sucked obviously but got me thinking as to when is it the right time to tell someone about having anxiety, social anxiety, depression..etc? do I even mention it? do they have to know right away? I mean its a big part of my life and who I am.
I don’t know its a weird.
Dating, meeting new people, making new friends……..it just makes me feel very insecure and like I’m back in school where I always felt like the odd one out even while wearing my best smile.
So this is where I’m at right now a bit depress and still pissed af at my social anxiety………..until next time. xoxo