anxiety · depression · mental illness · social anxiety · The Blogger · The Journey

Here’s To You.

Here is to you,

The leader of my thoughts, the consumer of my mind and the owner of my body. You trick me day out and day in there is times I think you are gone and a big smile spreads across my face and for a second I feel liberated like a winner then I come crashing down because I catch a glimpse of the shadow that is you along with the rest of the baggage you bring along.

I try to tell them, I try to tell myself, they try to tell me that you aren’t there its just a factor of eliminating the ghost I’ve let get created in a space in my mind where peace and normality should be, which is you, but its no use because you are real the claws I feel within are real! They aren’t made up if you could walk away from me into someone else for a day so they could feel what I feel it would be so much easier for me to feel understood but even then I wouldn’t want that for them because you are to powerful, to mean and most of all you are mine.

Yes you are mine you are a part of me that makes me, me. I don’t know myself without you and you’ve given me this feeling of feeling scared if I don’t feel you within me because when you come back as a surprise it’s even worst so I like to keep you even if I hate you even if you make me not want to be me I need to keep you because you have me kept.

Here’s to you, anxiety,  the longest relationship I’ve ever had. I hope you know I’m still fighting and one day my body and mind will no longer be yours and I will be ruling you.

 

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