So recently I had to reschedule some appointments so that caused me to be delayed in some of my prescriptions that needed to be filled in a way I was freaking out because I didn’t want to mess up my daily routine but then I decided to just relax and see how I would react without the daily doze of the magic little pills that have also become part of my life.
Starting the week I was okay I didn’t really feel much different only the occasional thoughts of “damn I’m screwing up” for not taking them fast-forward to midweek I physically and mentally notice the absence of them, specially my anti-depressants.
I hate admitting that but I honestly felt that weak feeling inside me, my limbs feeling so tired even thought I slept all night and the lack of self love and motivation. Getting up in the morning was hard the whole day passing by like a blur and by three p.m. feeling so exhausted that I literally had to get into bed and sleep and that’s exactly what I did until today.
The worst part is waking up seeing it is still daylight outside and looking at the time and date before retrieving your eyes to the ceiling and telling yourself how unproductive and miserable you are because feeling hopeless is the only thing you got.
You see, I think I’ve said this before, help is help and I shouldn’t be ashamed of that but it still feels uncomfortable and sad for me that I need those “magic little pills” to be okay. I’ve told myself countless of times that if they are part of my journey in life to be happy then so be it but there’s still that occasional feeling that I’ve failed at life, and this week was one of them.